I work an early shift and rarely get to see Bereket before she gets on the school bus. Lately, almost every day I come home, the clothes I picked out the night before are still in a neat pile on her vanity bench or shoved carelessly into the organizer in her closet - a quiet "no thank you" to mom's idea of what would be a good choice for school.
As I write this, Bereket is intently watching videos on her Kindle, headphones on, oblivious to the fact I am studying her while I write. I am looking at her hair in a cool "messy" style bun on the top of her head. Suddenly it is always in funky pigtails on the sides of her face or some other hairdo she's come up with. In fact, the only help she'll let me give her with her hair is driving her to the salon or flat ironing it if she gets it wet. Otherwise, she handles all the combing, nightly braiding and styling herself. To her credit, she hasn't had a knot in her hair in months.
Oh, there are other changes, too. Her obsession with her collection of makeup she purchased herself at the dollar store (dark blue eye shadow and tangerine lip gloss - and mascara she sneaks from my bathroom cabinet). Her makeup often gets a side smile from strangers we pass on the street or our waitress at dinner. My husband thinks she's way too young to be playing with makeup, but as long as she was washes it off at night, I'm actually o.k. with her self expression.
The signs our girl is growing into "the next phase" go way beyond appearance. She's gotten crazy tall. Her dentist says she needs braces. She occasionally pauses to ask, "How was your day, Mom?" when she gets home from school. And we learned from her teacher that "girl drama" can start in 3rd grade.
But the biggest sign of growing up is that after 7 1/2 years of needing to be cuddled by her mamma every night to fall asleep, she can now suddenly crawl into her brand new big-girl bed all by her herself. She nestles into her Paris-themed pillows and comforter and stays there All Night Long. She doesn't need to reach out and feel that I am near. She doesn't need that anymore.
Today, I feel his sentiment. I remember just like yesterday the moment Jason and I learned our baby could walk (at Dulles International Airport bringing her home). Now she is preparing to run two more 5K races. Where did those cute chubby legs go, now so long and lean?
If there was just a pause button...
Tomorrow, a man is coming to pick up Bereket's little girl bed after snapping it up on Craig's List. Our conversation over the phone led me to believe that he might be starting over again after a divorce. He said, "It's just me and my daughter now." Perhaps he would like to turn back time, too. While that isn't possible, I hope his daughter will find delight in the bed my own child never cared to sleep in.
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